Tuesday, May 28, 2013

G125 E-Reading Book Review of Pirates of the Danube: The Erotic Adventures of Pepper MacOralby by David J. Schmidt

Name of Book: Pirates of the Danube: The Erotic Adventures of Pepper MacOralby

Author: David J Schmidt

ISBN: 9781479163601

Publisher: CreateSpace

Type of book: Absurdity, time hodge-podge, parody of fifty shades, adult, sexual, Vienna,

Year it was published: 2012


“Pirates of the Danube” comes riding into town on the sticky, dubiously-stained coattails of the “Fifty Shades of Grey” series, offering a prophetic, satirical look at how low our standards have sunk.

This work of comic farce presents a satire of the entire romance – erotica genre, taking shots at supermarket dime novels, Fabio-emblazoned book covers, and “S & M for housewives” alike.

Readers of “Pirates of the Danube” are swept along from one historical anachronism to the next (Beowulf, Lazarus and Jane Austen’s “Mister Darcy” are contemporaries in this world; the young medical student Sigmund Freud makes a cameo appearance). The sexual adventures of our heroes—Pepper MacOralby and Baron Von Hugenstein—take place amidst a mix-matched hodgepodge of historical references, Biblical quotes, literary allusions, and pop song lyrics.

This book is humanity’s last stand in the face of our impending intellectual demise.


The book completely focused on Pepper's growth and sexuality, her losing the white flower of innocence by Baron von Hugestein and then becoming seductress and whatnot. Short of sexuality and kidnapping nothing else is known or told about Pepper. I had a hard time getting attached to her or just being aware of her. I would guess the strength of the book lies in absurdity and description of sex.


For me personally, I finally understand the power of Fifty Shades on people.


This is written in third person narrative from Pepper's point of view. I'm not sure if its on purpose or not, but the time is completely warped. I laughed a lot while reading this, such as the Maroon 5 song, or unexpected rhymes and even unexpected personages in terms of Mr. Darcy, Sigmund Freud, Amerigo Vespuci, whores, Beowulf and Lazarus. There's even mention of Baron going into Crusades. Umm there might have been Crusades during whatever time it was set, but its baffling how Baron von Hugestein survived for oh eight hundred or so years. At this point, think of as Alternative Universe and ignore the time aspect. Some imagery was also confusing for me, as well as racy and unbelievable. At one point Baron von Hugestein grabbed Pepper abreast...umm did he grab her by the boob or was he holding her sideways? Strangely enough, due to the story's absurdity, the confusing imagery seems to fit well.

Author Information:

David J. Schmidt
Goodreads author profile


member since
October 2012

About the author:

David J. Schmidt is a freelance writer and self-described “Huguenot” living in San Diego, CA.

He was conceived in a fireworks factory at some point between 1970 and 1985. After a gestation period of unknown duration, Schmidt was born to the world of Man, only to be swiftly adopted into the world of Beast some days later. The pack of wolves that raised Schmidt during his formative years was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honour by U.S. President George W. Bush, shortly after he delivered his fated “Mission Accomplished” speech.

Schmidt has received various recognitions for his charitable contributions toward the preservation of Peyronie’s Disease. In 2004, he was granted knighthood by the Basque Republic, becoming Sir David J. Schmidt for the following three years. The title was stripped from him by the United Nations Council on Fallacious Royal Families in 2007.

Schmidt lives with his beloved ex-wife of 14 years, his two cats, and his indentured servant.


If you're into accuracy or are a great lover of Fifty of Shades of Grey, then this is not a book you should touch. This is a satire mocking Fifty Shades and just about anything else. (Amerigo Vespuci and Sigmund Freud in one century? Parchment for newspaper? Set in Vienna but rugs are from Austria-Hungary? Exaggerated anatomy of Pepper MacOralby and a love triangle between Baron von Hugestein Sigmund Freud and Pepper MacOralby?) I found this book hilarious and unrealistic. It shouldn't be taken seriously, and although this was written for humorous purposes, I can at last understand the power of Fifty Shades series. Before reading this, let go of reality and inner judge and just enjoy it for what it is; a satire that shows how much humans may not know things, and how much knowledge was lost.

Quick notes: I would like to thank the author for the opportunity to read and review the book

4 out of 5
(0: Stay away unless a masochist 1: Good for insomnia 2: Horrible but readable; 3: Readable and quickly forgettable, 4: Good, enjoyable 5: Buy it, keep it and never let it go.)

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