Monday, July 1, 2013

02. Fifty Shades Darker by E.L James Rant

Name of Book: Fifty Shades Darker

Author: EL James

ISBN: 9781612130583

Publisher: Vintage

Part of a Series: Fifty Shades

Type of book: abuse, fanfiction, plagiarism, fifty shades of grey, bdsm, America Washington, British slang, insult to injury, milking the cow, book about nothing

Year it was published: 2011


 Daunted by the singular sexual tastes and dark secrets of the beautiful, tormented young entrepreneur Christian Grey, Anastasia Steele has broken off their relationship to start a new career with a Seattle publishing house. But desire for Christian still dominates her every waking thought, and when he proposes a new arrangement, Anastasia cannot resist. They rekindle their searing sensual affair, and Anastasia learns more about the harrowing past of her damaged, driven, and demanding Fifty Shades. While Christian wrestles with his inner demons, Anastasia must confront her anger and envy of the women who came before her and make the most important decision of her life. Erotic, sparkling and suspenseful, Fifty Shades Darker is the irresistibly addictive second part of the Fifty Shades trilogy


Hoo boy, where do I start? Hmm, good question. I have hated this brain-numbing pointless drivel where I seriously wanted to use a fork to stab the author right in the heart. Why fork one asks? There's a popular saying in Russia that goes something like this; "don't be scared of the knife but be scared of the fork, for the knife has one hole and the fork has four." Right, where was I? Enough with my morbid humor? Get on with this drivel and please tell what's so horrible about this trash?

Dear E.L James, please take some writing classes, or at least dedicate more time to honing in your craft! I hate to insult anyone, including someone like you, but not even my own writings sounded as immature as yours when I began writing! And I was eleven, almost twelve when I began. Yet you're 49 years old. If your characters are human beings its okay, you don't need to make them perfect. Most writers try to bring realism to characters so they could be easier to relate to, and let me tell you that people love real flawed humans!

Also, when you use big words such as vermilion or palatial, you don't sound smart but in fact you are making yourself look stupid. You know how to be smart? Read for fun and try to be observant while reading! That's what I do, and I don't need to use impossible words to make myself look smart. From corresponding or even talking to me, everyone I know describes me as intelligent!

Also, even if you disagree or don't like what people might be saying about your work, shouldn't their experiences count as well instead of being discounted by you? I might have read recaps, but come on, BDSM does not equal abuse, and why is Ana so mercurial and indecisive? In the first book she didn't want to be spanked, but in this one she asks and begs for it, saying she could handle it? Even if she changed her mind, wouldn't that be seen as some kind of coercion? At least that's how it read to me. Christian should appreciate her as a human being instead of as a Barbie doll and should at least narrow down his compliments.

*Facepalms* Why is this book worshiped again? Why? You know, Ana constantly talks about Tess of D'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy, and I did read the book. Want me to tell you  about the book? Tess is a peasant girl who lives with her father and one day her father discovers the family might be descended from someone famous. He gets drunk, Tess goes to fetch him and meets her soon to be rapist Alex. If I recall correctly, she works for him to pay off a debt or something of the kind, and he rapes her and gets her with child. She gives birth, the child dies, and she begins to work for Angel Clare. Angel pursues her against her will and the two marry. When Angel learns that he's not her first, he abandons her and then comes back. Tess meanwhile kills her rapist and she gets, well, killed in the end. Her last wish to Angel was to marry her younger sister. Really romantic literature isn't it? The heroine dies and asks the hero to marry her younger sibling!

Christian has officially became even more creepier than in the first book, and since I'm positive that many already have heard of the spoilers, or else read the book, I will not hold back from revealing them. A guy you have been with for just a few mere weeks reveals that he has huge Oedipus issues where he dates women that look like his mother and then purposely punishes them for things his mother had done. You look very similar to this mother, in real life, wouldn't you run to the next continent and change your identity so he won't find you? If someone told me that, I would never look at the person same way again. Its normal to be with someone who reminds you of a parent in someway, but why be with someone who will use your appearance or personality against you to punish you for something you have NEVER done?!

Also, please focus more on the plot instead of the never-ending pointless detail. I don't care how the rooms look like or what Ana and Christian have had for lunch or what kind of sex they had. There are wonderful authors that can make mundane sound incredibly fascinating, but many of us aren't them. I'm not Margaret Mitchell, I'm not Cao Xueqin, and I'm not Murasaki Shikibu. Those three authors made everyday sound fascinating. The only time one can use everyday is to either draw out suspense or make it count towards plot somehow! You don't do either. You don't allow readers to have any freedom with just about anything in the book. The reader is trapped in this rigid prison, shackled like one of Christian's submissives, and is forced to see the exact same thing the author is trying to force them to see!

Also, less is more. When you pick up a romance novel, there are very few sexual scenes. Why? If you discount the space and wording issues, authors focus more on character and plot development; through interactions between the heroine and hero, an author is trying to convince the reader why these two belong together, as well as trying to help the reader capture excitement of falling in love, marrying and so forth. E.L James has me experience negative emotions, not positive.

From what I understand, this book is just endless and pointless sex scenes followed by fighting, arguing, jealousy and pot calling the kettle black. Let's also not forget fighting about foods, the discrimination against blonds, plump women, women over twenty-six, and just women in general. Gee, what a wonderful fantasy isn't it for the target demographic?

Just like the first book, this is from Ana's point of view in first person narrative, and again this isn't realistic, very creepy, a book that glamorizes and trivializes abuse. Most of the time I'm against book burning unless its something like hitler's novel or protocols of zion, or anything anti-Jewish, but in this instance, I'd love to burn three of these books into cinders or else make sure they have a very painful end.

Ana and Christian, please do grow up and please for the sake of humanity don't dare to reproduce. I don't think the world can handle another Christian and Ana constantly arguing and fighting and hurting one another. Also stop with inner goddess and subconscious crap. They are annoying and should be completely cut out of the story.

-1 out of 5
(-1: Help! Brain bleach emergency! 0: Stay away unless a masochist 1: Good for insomnia 2: Horrible but readable; 3: Readable and quickly forgettable, 4: Good, enjoyable 5: Buy it, keep it and never let it go.)

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